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Mommy Memos: Dieting

Why do I keep getting emails and promotional letters in the mail about weight loss plans?  How do they know?  Did my husband sign me up?  I feel badly enough that my jeans are so tight I am afraid to sit down.  Hell, I don’t even know if I can sit down in them.  I know it’s the beginning of the year, and that everyone seems to have the diet plan.

I guess they assume we are ALL overweight.  I am going to tell you something now that is kind of embarrassing.  I started the Hollywood Cookie Diet.  You get four cookies a day and one balanced meal.  I don’t think by balanced they mean a roll of raw cookie dough and a bottle of wine, but we all have different ideas of what is balanced.  I bought it at “The Costco” so it must be good!  I had medical issues for a year that caused me to gain some weight.  Then I had eating and drinking wine issues that caused me to gain some weight.  I am very lucky that it’s always been pretty easy to lose it.  Times have changed.  Don’t tell me it’s because I am 41 or I will punch you.  That may be the case, but I am choosing to ignore that fact

I got the flu over Christmas.  I literally didn’t eat anything for a week, and when I got on the scale, I was devastated to see I didn’t lose a pound.  NOT ONE POUND!  How is that even possible?  I hate the cookie diet.  I am hungry.  I want to grab the gooey, spitty grilled cheese sandwich out of my son’s hands and stuff it in my mouth before he has time to cry.  I am going to try and tough it out for a while.  I am NOT buying new jeans.  Why is it that if we lose weight we are so quick to throw out our “fat” clothes and buy new ones, but if we gain we refuse to get rid of our “skinny” clothes?  You are going to see me walking around in my black stretchy yoga pants for a while.  I will not lose this battle!

If you do see me out and about and I do happen to be wearing my jeans, please don’t ask me to sit down and join you, I just don’t think it’s possible without injuring myself or others.

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