Hard Day – Mommy Memos
This is a tough one for me. My sweet little Gracie cried herself to sleep last night. She hasn't wanted to go to school, and won't tell anyone why. I put her in my bed last night and we talked. I finally got her to open up, and she said no one wants to play with her at recess. I showed up at school one day, and saw her playing by herself. It broke my heart, but she didn't seem to care. She said no one likes to do what she does. I didn't believe her, and as it turns out, I was right.
I see some of myself in her, and that's not always a good thing. She is way funnier, smarter and prettier than me, and may even be a bigger smartass. She is also shy, and while it may be hard for you to believe that I was ever shy, I was. I remember going on to the playground when I was a kid, and seeing groups of girls playing together. I didn't have the nerve to walk up and ask if I could join them. I'm sure they would have said yes, and I told Gracie the same thing.
She, like me, also gets her heart broken quite easily. I am seeing part of my future as a parent, and I don't like it! I know I can't take these experiences away from her. She's learning from them. I also can't go and play with her on the playground. No, really, she told me I can't. I offered, and she said it would be too embarrassing.
I have a plan. I am going to find out who she wants to play with, and invite them over for a few play dates. Gracie has never been big on play dates. She likes to play with her sister and her friends. Gracie is a bit of an old soul, and would rather hang out with adults.
This morning, I am picturing my sweet little girl, not wanting to go to school, and playing alone on the playground. It honestly brings me to tears. I am going to fix this without her knowing I am fixing it. I'm sure my mom did the same thing. She is the one who made me stand up straight, look people in the eye, and make me realize that I am the only one who can change my life.
I did, and I know Gracie will too. Right now though, all I WANT to do is go play on the playground with her.