Different Types Of Gym-Goers
I am still going to The Ridge Athletic Club and working out with super-trainer, Annie. She has changed my life for the better. I have gotten really strong, but the best part is that I can eat whatever I want…and really, that’s the reason I work out. I love food and wine! I also love people watching, and you see some good stuff at the gym. I found this list from askmen.com, and it made me laugh, so I thought I would share it with you!
The Stinky Guy: This is always a guy. Women can get a bit of body odor, but only a man can smell so bad that the stench could knock over the guy who cleans the bathrooms at Taco Bell and leave a bad taste in your mouth for an hour afterward. I think gyms should have a stink detector alarm and security personnel who escort such offenders off the premises in as humiliating a manner as possible.
The Compensating for Something-ers: These are men. Well, boys actually. They travel in packs of three to five. They don’t have a clue what they’re doing. They show up and believe the goal of weight lifting is to show off for their friends by lifting as much weight as they can by whatever means necessary. The concept of proper lifting technique never occurs to them. They hover together around one bench and spend about 10 percent of their time lifting and the rest shouting encouragement to their brainless buddies who are doing the funky chicken in an effort to lift far more weight than they are capable of.
Miss Mountain Lion: Also known as the cougar. These women know stuff. You can see it in their eyes. They’ll hurt you if you give them the chance, and I’m not talking about your feelings. They’re usually in really good shape, although parts of them are plastic and there has certainly been some strategic nipping and tucking going on. They often look amazing from the neck down, but the face is difficult to discern through the layers of makeup. I can envision how the next morning could be a frightening experience.
Hoop Earring Girl: She’s under 25. She’s hot. She knows this. She never makes eye contact with anyone. She wears expensive and tight-fitting gym attire that show off a figure that has not yet experienced the ravages of gravity. Her hair and makeup are done to perfection. She also wears jewelry, even perfume, to the gym. She wears headphones to tune out would-be suitors. She doesn’t want to talk to you. She pretends she doesn’t see you drooling over her. She shows up, does 15 minutes at low intensity on a stair-climber, hardly enough to break a sweat, stretches a little, then leaves. If she keeps going to the gym, eventually she will transform into Miss Mountain Lion.
The Screamer: These are the guys who, while lifting, sound like they’re either giving birth to a harbor seal or getting a colonoscopy from a guy operating a jackhammer.
Senor Spandex: Also known as TMI guy. It’s just wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong.
The Tsunami: This guy shows up sweaty. By the time he’s done, he is a walking puddle of protoplasm. Sometimes he is also a Maggot Gagger.
The Wife Beater: The guy wearing a snug, white, ribbed tank top. Mullet optional.
The Juicer: Usually male, but not always. They tend to hang out in hardcore gyms that cater to their lifestyle of injecting whatever toxic concoction they can get their hands on in an effort to build mass.
Impacted Colon Guy: Well, judging by the weird way he struts around the gym, there has to be something shoved up there. This guy is often also a Screamer and possibly a Juicer.
The Just Shut the Heck Up Already-er: I think this one is pretty self-explanatory. If they spent as much time working their muscles as they did their jaws, then they’d be huge.
The Strong Man: He’s at least 50. He can bench-press you and your entire family: He doesn’t talk to anyone. As far as he’s concerned, there isn’t anyone at the gym worthy of his attention. He’s been lifting since Schwarzenegger wore short pants, and he makes everyone else look feeble by comparison.
What would you add to this list?